Things that I learned in 4 years of Junior Guards.

During the last 4 summers of JGs, i have learned a lot of things, most of wich is either incredibly boring, or incredibly useless. here goes anyways...
1. The phrase "Who's laughing now, bitch!" doesnt sound nearly as good on a boogie board as it does on a surf board.
2. The JG Commandment, "Try your best, and if your best inst good enough, Kiss your instructors butt."
3. Watermelon is good, even when sandy. ditto for pizza.
4. When Caroline G says the wave is small, expect a Tsunami.
5. Caroline G needs to be told when a wave is comming, or she will be Spin Cycled.
6. Caroline C will always wait until after you have blinded yourself trying to prodict what time it is, by the sun to remind you that she has a watch.
7. Jimmy (Jeffrey) Axlerod is a funny name. so is penisman. and Eldin the Jelly-filled condom.
8. If you hear blood-curdling screams at the beach, it is probably caroline g, because of her award winning, irrational fear of marine life.
9. People like Keeley and Kyle are meant to be together, and probably have built in sensors to find each other. Same for Sophia and that 17 year old.
10. After a complete Spin Cycle, not even your closest friend will tell you about the piece of seaweed hanging out of your bathing suit.
11. The speedo tan will never dissapear. ever. not in a million years. you will die with the same pattern on your back and shoulders.

the instructors i've had over the past 4 years would probably like me to include the hymlick manuever (however the hell you spell it), the ABCs of CPR, how to make a water rescue, and pee on an old ladys jellyfish stings. much luv to eldin my faveorite instructor from hell and all my JG friends who i never want to talk to again now that i am free.
just kidding.
i hate you kyle.
xoxo
I'm off to the patio so i can kill my skin cells in an attempt to get ride of these awful tan lines!