This will be the year of dissapointments.
This is the year my parents will realize I'm not as brilliant as they believe.
The year I'll fail at new responsibilities, new goals.
The year I finally come to my senses about That Boy, and the year I stop holding onto what could have been.
I was drowning with my goals, my life, as it was, but now its a new year. A time for moving forward, not falling.
I dont want to dissapoint anyone.
not my parents.
not Sara.
not Laura or Kim.
and espescially myself.
I want to live in a fairytale.
I dont want to live in a world where people laugh when a person cries. or where friends dont tell the whole truth,
not a world where people can screw themselves over and throw away there lives.
or where 14 year old volleyball players love pot, and will celebrate their 2nd week clean with pizza and beer.

How can people hate so much?
It must start inside, and spread.
How can I fault myself so much?
Who am I to judge?
What standards am I up against?

Do I feel this way because I love too hard? or am i just
incapable of true love?
why is it so easy to feel alone,
and why does it hurt so much?

Am I, are we, condemned to eternal longing for perfection?
But its not really perfection, its more like everyone's trying to be the best,
to win,
but there can only be one winner,

and its no one you know.