theres an 80% chance that by saturday afternoon, i'll be back on a plane to NY, this time dressed in black, to put it delicately.

for those of you who dont know all the details of whats been happening here it is:
my grandma has been fighting lung cancer for 2 years.
last year she lived with us, because chemo is better out here, than in NY.
she also happens to be my faveorite adult in the entire world.
we're exactly alike, except she's 70 years older.
if i really sat down and thought about it, i probably love her more than anyone in the world.
this is really hard for me. dealing with stuff for extended amounts of time has never been my strong point.
i do really well in emergencys. like when my grandma was hope alone with me last year, and she stopped breathing. i knew i had no time to think, but now that i do have time to think, i think about it all the time. i dwell on every detail.
people at skool probably think i'm on drugs because my eyes have been so red for the last week. o well.
and people reading this will think i'm insane.
and i might be. who knows.

what i'm saying is that, i actually dont know what i'm saying.