Things that I learned in 4 years of Junior Guards.

During the last 4 summers of JGs, i have learned a lot of things, most of wich is either incredibly boring, or incredibly useless. here goes anyways...
1. The phrase "Who's laughing now, bitch!" doesnt sound nearly as good on a boogie board as it does on a surf board.
2. The JG Commandment, "Try your best, and if your best inst good enough, Kiss your instructors butt."
3. Watermelon is good, even when sandy. ditto for pizza.
4. When Caroline G says the wave is small, expect a Tsunami.
5. Caroline G needs to be told when a wave is comming, or she will be Spin Cycled.
6. Caroline C will always wait until after you have blinded yourself trying to prodict what time it is, by the sun to remind you that she has a watch.
7. Jimmy (Jeffrey) Axlerod is a funny name. so is penisman. and Eldin the Jelly-filled condom.
8. If you hear blood-curdling screams at the beach, it is probably caroline g, because of her award winning, irrational fear of marine life.
9. People like Keeley and Kyle are meant to be together, and probably have built in sensors to find each other. Same for Sophia and that 17 year old.
10. After a complete Spin Cycle, not even your closest friend will tell you about the piece of seaweed hanging out of your bathing suit.
11. The speedo tan will never dissapear. ever. not in a million years. you will die with the same pattern on your back and shoulders.

the instructors i've had over the past 4 years would probably like me to include the hymlick manuever (however the hell you spell it), the ABCs of CPR, how to make a water rescue, and pee on an old ladys jellyfish stings. much luv to eldin my faveorite instructor from hell and all my JG friends who i never want to talk to again now that i am free.
just kidding.
i hate you kyle.
xoxo
I'm off to the patio so i can kill my skin cells in an attempt to get ride of these awful tan lines!

Stop Fruitloopism!

I try to live in harmony with all colors of fruitloops. dont discriminate between red and purple, blue and yellow. the madness must stop!

10 Things in Golf that Sound dirty, but arent really

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

Goodbye my prestine waterbuffalo!

i wish you well. Arthur Nix says "Take care of your Bubbly Toes!".
Many circles to you! Popsicles! (pop!). I can't wait till our funfilled days at Columbia, far away from smashed stereos and coffee pots.
Much luv and (Quick! Whats 8+3?) Sprinkles.

hello chums!

happy 4-day weekend to me!!!!!!
have a good one, arthur nix.

the intricate workings of the mind of a Caffeinated Sprinkle Fairy

had this totally and completely crapnoodles dream last night.
ok, here goes....
so the dream starts out with me in a dark forest. i start walking out of the forest and come to a giguundo circus tent. theres loud music and cheering comming from the tent and its really bright. i circle the tent trying to find an opening and just to the left of where i started looking is the door. as soon as i step through the door all the noise stops. just like that. i look up at the stands and there are people slowly fanishing and reappearing. like they're there one second, but fading the next, and then they come back and do it again. in the middle of the circus ring Laura (one of my little sisters) is sitting there on a little red clown car. when i look at her, she starts to play. after about 15 seconds of playing, ****(one of my crushes) suddenly appears and grabs Laura's flute and starts running away. Laura sits there and tells me to catch him(****), but i can't move.
The End.
bizarre, huh?

Girls Night Out (after)

after i got back from JGs we went to Knotts Soak City. it was really fun... and the lines went really fast because we went on a Tuesday. the best ride was this huge yellow slide that curves so much i litterally couldnt breathe. very cool. after that we went to Chilli's for dinner... had this really good canjun chicken pasta. the chicken was so good, really spicy i ate it all first, my mouth started burning really bad... i think i chugged like 3 glasses of water before my mom tells me that drinking water only makes it worse. after that we saw Shrek2 again because my cousin hadnt seen it... it was even funnier the second time. then we went home and i convinced my mom not to make me go to JGs today. YAY! later, we are going to westwood because my sisters have a dentist appointment and me and stephie are gonna walk around and get dinner before going to the Sewing Arts Center for a super cool class thingy we're taking... we're gonna learn how to make messenger bags. last class we learned how to print images on a computer straight to fabric, it was tré tré fun.
now for lunch-- i can't decide between a bagel with chicken and cream cheese (yum!) or the leftovers from yesterday... hmmm....
--your Criminally Insane, Caffeinated
Sprinkle Fairy!

Girls Night Out (before)

my mom has her day off today... and my dad is out of town for the night. we decided its the perfect time for a Girls Night Out.
but before that, i, once again, am being forced to JGs.
Today it wont be so bad. we'll spend an hour stretching, talking about water conditions and boats... then one of the LA Lifegaurd Rescue Boats will come, we'll swim out to the boat... get a lecture about how to approach the boat WHILE we are still in the water, then another lecture on what the boat does, and then yet another lecture on how to jump off a boat going 45 MPH. they always like to mention that if you jump off at the wrong angle, the propellers in the back will chop and serve you up like vegees. then we swim back in and my instructor Eldin tells us "Good Jobs guys! how bout some Free surf time?!" and then i go home. yay.

I (heart with line through it) mondays

another monday comes, and another defenseless Sprinkle Fairy is forced to JGs. When will the madness stop?!

I SURVIVED...

i think i should get a metal of bravery... or at least a t-shirt that says "I SURVIVED THE SLEEPOVER" or something...
instead of watching the oldies movies, i went into the steph's room and watched 4 straight hours of "I love the 90s!"... it was pretty good, very funny. then i watched 'BEST WEEK EVER, this week" and "A 2 Z, Nick & Jessica" witch made me want to gouge out my eyeballs with power tools. VH1 is not the kind of channel you want to watch when you want to sleep, every time i heard the commercial that has that song that goes "Come on now, Come on now, Get up and Dance with me, yAH!" i woke up again and almost had a heart attack. but i love it anyway...

happy weekend

my weekend, thankfully, started early because i skipped my JG competition (i had no wish to go all the way down to Dockwieler at 6 in the morning). then me and Stephanie (my cousin) wanted to go to yoga, but decided to go to sara's house instead...
had a blast at sara's... watched movies, ate icecream and oreos, watched will and grace... all that fun stuff.
this morning (sat) we went to see A Cinderella Story because we love Chad Michael Murry... it was pretty good, very good for a Hilary Duff movie. Sadly enough, as of last night, Chad Michael Murry is officially engaged to co-star, on One Tree Hill (my faveorite obsessive show), Sophia Bush. after that we walked around and shopped... got Johnny Rockets shakes and fries. yummy.
then me and stephie came home to a house full of my little sisters friends... we went swimming... acted like nerds... it was fun...
laura's friend amy was obsessing over the chinese zodiac story thing. it was really random. she kept asking if i knew the story, i said i didnt and she goes into this thing about an almighty power who invites animals to a party. i asked what kind of party... she said a pool party. then she asked me if i knew my sign... i told her i had no clue and she spent 15 minutes trying to figure it out with MATH. it was a little unnerving. i told her "I think i'm a squirrel", she said "there are no squirrels" then i said "Can i be a zebra?" and she said "No! NO ZEBRAS"... and on and on it went until i got bored and took a shower. we just had dinner and everyone faught over the pasta. no i'm sitting at the computer, staring at my IM buddy list, and no one is on. except Chessy... she's always on. (sigh) and i'm listening to my little sisters fight over who gets to pick tonights movie. either West Side Story or Bye Bye Birdie.
its the kind of night that makes me want to drag myself to a dark room, and put me out of my misery.
hmmm....

hmmm....

"Real Life" Survival Lesson: JELLYFISH

at Junior Guards they like to think we learn really important lessons... like we did today.
there was this really old fat lady and she came to the beach, all by herself, and went swimming. she got stuck in a rip current, and was pulled out pretty far, way past the surf, and straight into the place where the jellyfish like to stay. so this old lady is panicking and the lifeguard has to rescue her. when she gets out, she has 3 really huge stings on arms and chest. my instructors gather everyone around to watch a "real life rescue". well, in "real life" the best temporary relief for a jellyfish sting, is vinegar. but, because this is "real life" the lifegaurd tower was fresh out. also, since this is "real life" the next best cure is for the lifeguard to pee on "the victim".
i am so serious. no joke.
so we're all gathered around, and the lifeguard is peeing all over this ladys body. then the paramedics come with vinegar.
/great timing guys/.

creativity mets the Sprinkle Fairy

here's my super-cool drawing on flashthingwatever. click the link.
http://www.flash-gear.com/draw/drw.php?id=5856&a=849189238&d=1
isnt it beautiful? so artistic.

AUZZIES R HOTTIES

Aussi Hunk Barbie's Sexy New Boyfriend
"If Britney and J. Lo can replace love so easily, so can Barbie. The popular doll from Mattel Inc. has a new love in her life, an Australian surfer named Blaine."
i can't beleive Barbie dumped Ken! Ken had such great moral values (like only going to the tanning salon twice a week!). i thought they would go "the whole 9 yards"!! well, like my grandma always says
AUZZIES R HOTTIES!!!!!

todays forecast: cloudy skies, again.

JGs was awful... Keeley is being the slut bitch from hell, like always.
Had a HUGE fight with my little sisters... they always gang up on me and then my parents take their side, no matter of who's right or wrong. the HUGE fight lead my parents to give me the "Your a Role Model for them, and now you should start acting like one" lecture... very unpleasant.
I was forced into listening to my parents praise my little sisters about their "great effort" at basketball camp today,
then my parents focused on the fact that i dont focus on anything... they said i move too quickly from one hobby to another, and i'll never get good at anything at the rate i'm going. little do they know, that the only reason i move so quick is that the very second they try to make my new faveorite hobby a "family event" it loses all the appeal. like basketbal, i loved basketball, then my dad had to go and become Mr. Sports Team and coach my teams, as well as "pulling strings" to get my younger sisters on my team, aswell. the same thing happened with piano, drawing, guitar, paint darts, and even locking myself in my room.
i swear.
i minute i switch the lock, my parents have gathered my sisters on the other side of my door and have a "family meeting" and either guilt or force me into unlocking my door.
with my luck, they probably have a stop watch out there to time how long it takes me to open the door. they probably even take bets to see who can guess how long i'll last....

Happy National argument Day!!!!

... On July 3rd, 1776 (the day before the Declaration of Independence was signed) the Continental Congress was arguing about Thomas Jefferson rough draft of the Declaration of Independence. Technically, July 3rd is National Argument Day! So if you had an argument you were fulfilling your patriotic duty!

Weird News of the Week

"TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese teen-ager was forced by his teacher to write an apology in blood after dozing in the classroom, the school's principal said Monday." and i thought my school was strict....

"A teenager dressed as pizza mascot Chuck E. Cheese was pelted with pizza and threatened with a beating by an angry parent who said the mascot wasn't paying enough attention to her child, police said."

"NEW ORLEANS (AP) - After seven months of constant, bark-like hiccups, a first-of-its-kind operation has returned normal life to a 50-year-old Texas man. Shane Shafer's speech is now a hoarse whisper - a side effect of the electronic device that cured him, one generally used to treat epilepsy and recently approved for major depression. But for the first time since November, he can eat. He can sleep. He no longer has to make himself gag to make the hiccups stop. He can talk without a bark-like hiccup every three to four seconds. " someone should make a movie out of this.... "Attack of the KILLER HICCUPS!"